Nathan López Bezerra
Parenting styles evolve over time, often as a reaction to previous generations. One style that has gained attention in recent years is known as snowplow parenting. This approach involves parents removing obstacles from their children’s paths to ensure they face no hardship or negative emotions.
What is snowplow parenting?
“Parents feel it’s their job to make sure their kids do not experience any obstacles and therefore do not experience any unhappiness or negative emotion,” said licensed psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS. “It’s about parents removing any negative experience, but what we’re really dealing with is parents having a hard time seeing their kid experience uncomfortable or unpleasant feelings.”
This impulse is natural, experts say. “It’s a natural instinct for parents to help and try to ‘fix’ things for our kids,” said Sarah Cohen, M.D., child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist at Westmed Medical Group. “For the first year at least, they need us for every moment of their day, so it takes effort to adjust that as kids grow. And it hurts to watch them struggle, so we are inclined to take over.”
Snowplow parenting is related to helicopter parenting but is more common among affluent families who have the means and time to intervene in their children’s lives.
What are the signs of snowplow parenting?
Parents may not realize they are doing it. “We see it a lot in school—’Oh, I’m going to go talk to the principal’ or ‘I’ll figure out why you got this grade,'” Beurkens said. Some parents volunteer at school to be present and ready to step in. They also over-involve themselves in their children’s peer relationships.
What are the effects on the kids?
Children need to face challenges to become responsible adults. Snowplow parenting limits these experiences. “There are many repercussions: They do not figure out how to solve their own problems, tolerate negative feelings, and do not develop the resilience that is needed in life,” Beurkens said. “Ultimately, they do not grow to see themselves as capable and competent.”
Effects may include performance anxiety, pressure to achieve, guilt, taking failures personally, frustration, and reduced problem-solving skills.
How can parents do better?
Let kids fail. Allowing children to face the consequences of their actions helps them learn. “One of the most important ways kids become responsible adults is when they learn that they can overcome and manage challenges,” Beurkens said. “No good parent would look at their kid and say, ‘You’re incompetent,’ but that is the message that is sent and internalized when you step in.”
Parents need to learn to tolerate their own discomfort. “I know it doesn’t feel good to watch your kid go through things, but you are not a bad, neglectful, or mean parent if you allow your kid to deal with things on their own,” she said.
So when can you step in?
This does not mean never help. Parents can offer support and advice, then let children take over. “A good thing to say to kids in those moments is, ‘I understand you are going through a really tough thing, and I get it, it must feel bad, but I know you are going to be able to handle it,'” Beurkens said.
If a child has tried to solve a problem and still cannot improve the situation, then parents can step in more. Bullying is one example where adult intervention may eventually be needed. Cohen added, “Teach your child to ask for help because that’s the best time to step in.”
The takeaway
Parenting is hard, and no single method works for everyone. But snowplow parenting, while well-intentioned, can hinder a child’s development. Experts repeatedly remind parents that children should fail and learn how to deal with their failures.
